1. Know your craft
The best way to be an ineffective writer is to read as much as you can about writing. Read every 10 step book there is. Fill your head with those tips. This is hands down the number one way to procrastinate, on your way to becoming a highly ineffective writer.
2. Write about what you know
I can guarantee you that if you want to be ineffective as a writer, you should only write about what you know and write for yourself. Forget about the reader – if you are a brilliant writer, you will be discovered for your esoteric and original genius. It is always better to be an underground legend than sell out straight away and then fade quickly into oblivion.
3. Follow in Kerouac’s footsteps
Developing the habit of drinking and smoking weed before you write is one way to guarantee ineffectiveness, believe me. It doesn’t take much to loosen up and really get the words flowing. Follow in the footsteps of the greats, like Bukowski and Jack Kerouac. If you really develop the habit, you too could develop cirrhosis of the liver. (Hang on – I take that back, Bukowski and Kerouac were both effective in their own ways.)
4. Honesty is the best policy
Censorship is the enemy of ineffective writing. If you want to be ineffective, you should always be as honest as possible. Top of the mind, tip of the pen, as they say. Leave nothing to the imagination. The more poignant and emotive, the better.
5. Break free from restrictive forms
When it comes to being ineffective, you can’t beat free form. We live in the 21st century. Structure and antiquated forms are for those who can’t think for themselves. They are restrictive and boring. I would say the most unstructured writers are usually the most ineffective. Unless you’re Rimbaud or someone like that.
6. Feedback is crucial
The best way to know if you are being ineffective or not is to ask for feedback from as many people as you can, particularly those who love you and who know you best. These are the people who will really keep you on the path to ineffectiveness, with their well-meaning, flattering and pointless advice. Their opinions are very valuable.
7. Keep the dream alive
Finally, the most important tip I can give you if you want to be an ineffective writer, is to hold onto the vision you have for your future retirement as a wealthy, reputable writer. Pin up that picture of yourself in a Paris cafe with your laptop, or imagine the day when you make the New York Times bestseller list. Forget about writing…just dream.
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